Jen Kehl at My Skewed View and Kristi at Finding Ninee host Twisted MixTape Tuesday, a blog hop that’s all about music.  The premise is to create a five song mix based on the week’s theme.  (You can click on the button above if you’d like to play along).

Here’s Jen’s instructions for today’s topic:  Troy from As Long As I’m Singing contributed this week’s theme:– the (5) seminal songs who made you the person you are today. The shutter-openers, the wakers, the “I can see clearly now the rain is goners.” The tunes that forced you to look in the mirror and say, “Hey good-looking, you seem familiar, yet new.”

Not only is this a difficult topic to ponder under normal circumstances (Thanks Troy!), but for me this week, I didn’t have the mental clarity or emotional stability to give it the deep thought it deserved.  I almost didn’t post this week, but I felt like that was a cop-out when confronted with a hard subject.  Then something just came together this morning.

My songs are reflective of formative periods in my life.  Times of hardship, some of my own doing, some of just consequences of life, and the growth that resulted from those times.   A few of the songs are pretty straightforward in the relationship to those years, but a couple are some beautiful metaphors woven by talented songwriters.

1.  Protected – These were my years growing up in a typical nuclear family: middle-class, suburban household with both parents, public high school and private college.  While I was learning textbook knowledge, I was very insulated from the hardships of what “real” life would have in store for me.  Learning to Fly – Pink Floyd best describes this period.

2.  Low – Due to my upbringing, I wasn’t prepared at all for dealing with complicated emotional relationships.  I found myself isolated from friends and families in an abusive relationship with a drug addict that lasted many years.  I was so manipulated in the beginning, that I ended up dependent, both mentally and financially.  I knew it wasn’t healthy for me, but it took several months for me to untangle myself.  Independence Day — Martina McBride.

3.  Lost – Now free, I had no close friendships.  I was awash with emotions I’d never had to deal with before.  Seething anger and guilt, both external and internal and no one I felt I could trust enough to open myself up to.  I hid a deep depression and medicated myself with massive quantities of alcohol most nights of the week.  I spent many years in this phase.  Bottom of a Bottle–Smile Empty Soul.

4.  Peace – I didn’t wake up one day and decide to take control over my life.  The healing came in small amounts, day to day.  It wasn’t perfect, but it was a peace I found within.  It was enough that I finally felt I could truly share myself with someone else.  Shelter From the Storm–Bob Dylan.

5.  Mother – The only thing I had concrete during the previous periods was my career.  I didn’t think I’d ever want or be good enough to raise a child.  Once I opened myself up though, I knew I was ready.  It wasn’t always easy, but I’m happy where I am today.  Beautiful Boy–John Lennon.